I read an article in Glamour magazine recently on this subject. I know someone will think: “duh! Talking about it means sharing it and it’s no longer a secret!” Well, I’m just going to list some secrets that women out there may have; may not apply to every woman or reader of my blog. And, no, not all would apply to me as well; I must say though that when I read Glamour’s list, ahem, I kinda went different shades of pink, purple, aubergine and crimson ……
I will also list some secrets you do not have to share with your spouse. We all know it’s only a fool who shares every single detail of their life with a partner/spouse. And no, I’m not encouraging being uber secretive and behaving like an MI5 (or is it 6) agent around your spouse. In general, in most instances, it's good to be open and honest with your spouse; makes it easier for you to trust in each other and obviously when the trust exists … voila! we have ourselves a happy and healthy home life. But in reality, sadly, there are times and situations when it is not advisable for you to share with your partner what is on your mind or the sordid and stupid things you got up to years ago when you were young and foolish; I am one person very guilty of blaming past choices on the foolishness of youth but not every partner would understand the phrase: “foolishness of youth” and you will have on your hands a bad case “living to regret”. This is the case when if you shared the info/secret it would hurt them, completely change their perception of you, nothing positive would come of it, and it might just damage your relationship permanently.
I think I’m fairly lucky in the sense that my husband was my very good friend for about 10 years before we got hitched and knows most of my filthy little secrets and my very poor past ‘conquests’. But I still watch it with the revelation of anything new; and I am, very sure he does/thinks same. In fact, I don’t want to know everything; after all, they say ignorance is bliss.
Therefore, below, I give you ten secrets you should never, ever tell/share others (some specifically your spouse); Most of these I lifted off Glamour I have also added my own thoughts and some
- That you do pelvic-floor exercises to get you through that really dull meeting – do these things actually work? When you pick up any glossy magazine for women they talk about these but I am not sure what they actually mean. But I do understand that sharing this with anyone could mean: 1. You actually have a problem with your vaginal walls and 2. someone with a hyper-imaginative mind would think you’ve had one too many …… and we know you never tell how many of them you’ve had! Never ever!!!
- You got ever so drunk one night, pulled the horrible, but inexplicably magnetic, barman in your local, and it was HOT – I have imagined doing this on a trip to South Africa in 2008. I actually considered making some cute waiter work for his tip. And I also thought aint no one gon know about this …. But I didn’t do it anyway and I told my boyfriend (husband now) later. We laughed about it but some months later he brought it up again in a way that made me realize that he didn’t think it was that funny so ……. Lesson leant right??
- Good memories of your ex – This is a clear case of ‘Do unto others what you will wish them to do unto you’! I will be very upset if a boyfriend/husband talks about an ex in a good light all the bloody time! Even if we don’t admit it, every person hopes deep down inside they will always be the fairest of them all and all your partner’s exs pale in comparison to you. Just don’t go there especially about sex with the others! No No No! Whether good or bad!
- About the one time you just couldn't wait and peed in the bush outside your house – Ok, this one is very abrofosem! We’ve all peed in bushes before right? Maybe the one you shouldn’t be sharing is the time you did Number 2 in the bushes!!! And had to wipe with your pioto!!! LOL!!!
- You've tried desperately not to, but you still fancy one of your boyfriend's friends or his sibling and fantasize about being with them. – This is probably an obvious one, but needs to be stated here just in case. If you think your spouse's brother or sister is good looking and/or sexy and they are the opposite sex as you, keep your yap shut. If you don't every family get-together for the rest of your life will be ruined. And this applies pretty much to any fantasy. They say that having fantasy is healthy. I say it's only healthy if you keep them to yourself. Regardless of whether they are sexual fantasies or wishful thinking, keep it to yourself.
- Whenever you walk past a building site you pretend to talk on your mobile to avoid the 'Alright, sweetheart?' sleazy chat and catcalls. – I actually enjoy these so I usually look them right in the eye with a scornful look on my face like am disgusted by the catcalls when I actually love love love them!! SO stupid right and no decent man would understand. I remember once I was eating at a restaurant in the Afgo compound with my boyfriend at the time when this proper boga guy in his cocaine-wash jeans winked at me. My boyfriend caught me smiling shyly back and he said in twi: “ah Dede paaaa kwasia wei p3 wo ah na wosri”. That wiped the smile off my face proper! I was about 21 then anyway. Young and foolish I know! J
- You shoplifted a Snickers bar when you were 12 - and felt a delicious thrill at getting away with it – 12 years old mpo?? I remember stealing some bracelets from Dorothy Perkins in 2004 or so. OOOh the thrill! I was with this my friend whose name starts with an A and who got married in Oct 2009; I’m not naming and shaming cos she has got a bigger reputation to protect. But some of you can work out who she is hahahahahaha! She also stole one I think and she was acting all scared like I made her do it. But the way my heart was thumping as I walked past the detectors at the entrance. Anyway, major shoplifting is nothing to be proud of so please careful who you tell. In fact don’t even do it!!
- The insane jealousy you feel for your little sister, who looks just like you - only younger. Not fair. – Can’t say much about that cos I don’t have a little sister but I can understand how this would be a no no so careful!
- That you couldn't find Poland on a map if your life depended on it. – Some few weeks ago I couldn’t even remember what the capital of Senegal was and also that Philippines was in Asia. The latter scenario was when I was having a drink with colleagues from work; very embarrassing and not to be repeated!
- You'll never understand why people think sex on the beach is romantic. You want sand there?! – You know how people go on about certain stuff that are cool to do but deep inside you you are just not down with the idea and you feel like being sensible and practical is not cool so you just shut up and play along?? Yea, this is one of those stupid ones. I’d rather do it against a rock (and I did! Wink wink)
- Negative things about your partner’s friends - While probably not high on the list of no-no's, it's still important enough to include here. Don't disparage his/her friends. I usually just chip in when he does but I know it is not the best cos it will almost always come back to haunt you. I remember my 1st ever boyfriend (can I even call him a boyfriend? This is Geyhey letter writing days) kinda dumped me cos I bad-mouthed his ‘friend’. This is the same person he used to diss but apparently he was the only one allowed to diss the guy.
- Negative things about the in-laws – Listen here, I’m not a pro in this thing called marriage but even I know this is a NO NO NO NO NO! NEVER! Even if he is dissing them himself!! The friends thing above is nothing compared to this. Saying ugly things about your in-laws is a cardinal sin, one for which, you will pay for, for as many years as you and your partner remain married/in a relationship, which may not be as long as you think if you say bad things about their parents.
- You sometimes fantasize that your infuriatingly me-me-me colleague has a horrible accident and loses her voice – Sooo wrong but you do have such fantasies but remember they are wrong and should remain as fantasies!
- That you think your friend's baby looks a bit like Yoda from Star Wars. – OMG, Ann Krakue if you read this you will laugh! My dear Ann once struggled to say something nice about a friend’s new baby so she went: “erm, your baby has nice ears”. This even happens on Facebook; people lie sooo badly when commenting on baby pictures. We all know fresh babies look like aliens and you don’t have to say the baby reminds you of E.T. but you don’t have to gush and lie so much!! Me, I just start a little debate on which of the parents the baby looks like. That is interactive and safe.
- Your local MP could be called Delilah Stardust for all you know – In this day and age when young people are supposed to be soo into politics and that is all people seem to discuss at social gatherings, it is sometimes not cool to show your ignorance of who is who in your government.
- You've been known to look at Facebook pictures up to, oh, three times a day. - Asem ooooo. Who is guilty of this?? Meeeeee and I am also the only one who will admit to it. But, never to my husband!
- You go to art galleries to feel sophisticated, but are actually largely bored. – This will apply to most things posh. Whenever I browse through Agoo magazine and see the who is who of Accra at these polo events, I always feel deep inside me that going to such an event would make me feel like a fish out of water. And I’m also sure that 70% (if not more) of the people there don’t have a clue what polo is all about either but would never admit it!
- That you once read his text messages and then felt really guilty because there was nothing remotely incriminating. – GUILTY!!!
- You agree with Sex and the City's Samantha that, "They don't call it a blowjob for nothing, honey." – Samantha is my baby! But meeehhhn! Most of us would never admit to agreeing with most of the things she says or does.
These 20 “secrets” you should never tell anyone including your spouse are meant as a means for keeping harmony in your relationship with others and in your marriage, not as a first step towards lying whenever you feel like it. In most every other case, honesty and openness will be a much better approach. Hopefully, you'll find these tips helpful.
And if there are anymore that you will like to share then please type away!
