What? How could that be? Is this
just a nightmare? When will I wake up? I just want to wake up!
But, I didn't wake up. It was real.
I was so utterly shocked and frantic that I couldn’t cry at first.
All in a single moment, my whole
world crumbled around me and my dreams were shattered. Shaking my head back and
forth, the only words I could put together were “no, no no,” half wanting to
plead with the nurse but knowing there was nothing she could do to reverse
events and take back her words.
God can I please have her back?!
But, there was nothing I could do...just
cry.
It all felt like a dream. A
horrible, horrible dream.
My little girl was gone.
Deep belly sobs rattled me to the
core and for the third time in my life, I felt that ache in my heart that comes
from knowing my child is in the arms of the Lord, rather than here with me.
I just found out today that in some
parts of the US when mothers lose their babies, they have a picture of a leaf with a teardrop hanging on the door
to their hospital room, to inform nurses and doctors that whoever
was inside that room has a baby that didn't survive and it is sooo significant in what it means and stands for.
"The
leaf with the teardrop reflects both intense suffering of loss and hope for the
future. Though fallen, the leaf maintains its vitality, symbolizing
hope. It cradles the teardrop with its upturned edges creating a sense of
comfort. As seasons change, so do feelings. Just as there is winter
and spring, there is sadness and hope."
