#FuckYourBeautyStandards

Our lives are ruled by choices. What we decide to do each waking moment and how we choose to interact with or impact on others.

I am very aware of that. I choose to not sweat the small stuff most of the time; I avoid most things that I think would stress me out physically and mentally. I self-indulge, I do very minimal self-introspection, and I usually try not to interact with people in ways that would make them feel disrespected, undermined or just generally sad. Striving to do the latter sometimes makes me come across as a softie or a push over. I don’t mind too much. It is a perception held by another. I know that it makes me feel good inside in the long run and that to me is all that matters.

I do all these selfishly for my own sanity. I work on keeping my mental self at a very good equilibrium.

A lot of ladies, both young and old, obsess about their weight and body shape, usually for purely vanity reasons, looking good in that dress, fitting into those skinny jeans, attracting that buff guy etc. That is not me.

Most of my friends think I'm pretty body confident. Though I am not body-confident as perceived by them; I know I'm fat, and I will say it and save you the trouble of saying it. For a long time, I  have accepted my fatness as being what it and I do not lose much sleep over it. My earliest memories of feeling fat go back to early teens when I would sit on the toilet seat and marvel in disgust at how my thighs (yes, they were bigger than usual even then) spread out over the toilet seat. I also remember in my mid-teens in Wesley Girls forever fiddling with my school uniform belt to make it lie just right over my belly; even back then I felt my belly was bigger than my peers and I worried about how my belt made it more noticeable. Now, I look back at photos of me back then and I wonder "how mad was I to not be more accepting of my body back then?" 

Anyway, back to adult me who will not strive to lose weight just to look good in a dress. Those are thoughts that don't end up being actioned because I don’t care enough to be bothered. 

When I have ever seriously considered losing weight, it has been mainly for health reasons. I want to live longer and create more memories with my family and friends. I am not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to die because I was unhealthy. The last time I went to the gym was because I was breaking out and suffering from adult acne and just felt very hormonally out of sync, quite unhealthy both mentally and physically.

I have accepted that I will never be skinny, I eat regularly; my Monday to Friday meals are pretty dull and of regular portions. When I do eat out, well that is another matter, luckily, I cannot afford to eat out often so as they say ‘God works in mysterious ways’. I could do better being more physically active and even though my medical screenings never reveal anything crazily worrying (God looks out for me), recent aches and pains have given me a wake up call. I am growing and my bones are groaning under the extra rolls of fat.

So, practical me has decided I need to work on losing some.

As I said earlier, I am not motivated enough to lose weight to look good. In the style department, I work with what I have and I think I do ok at that. I follow lots of fat/plus size bloggers purely for style/fashion inspiration. When you follow such bloggers, then you know they usually also blog about body-image issues. They blog about the abuse they get for being fat and these ladies usually have histories of eating disorders borne out of their dislike for their bodies and the need to fit into what society finds more acceptable; to escape the abuse; to attract love and attention etc. They are always towing a fine line between self-love and body-hatred, their minds are fragile, yet day in and day out they find the strength to try and inspire others by sharing their stories.

Of course, it irks me that people look at my fat self and automatically assume that I over-eat and that I am not healthy. It annoys me but I have learnt to not enter into discussions or arguments about it because minds are made up and I will only be perceived as giving excuses and justifying an unhealthy lifestyle ‘Le Sigh’. 

Do I remind them that being a certain weight does not always show that you are (un)healthy inside? Do I remind them that I am more than my weight? Do I remind them that it is possible to be skinny and still be mentally and physically unwell or be fat and be happy within? Do I remind them that sometimes striving to be a certain weight and being consumed by it covers up a multitude of emotional problems? How did we get to this point where a woman starving herself is perceived as far healthier than a fat woman celebrating her body and enjoying her meals?

Ghanaians (Africans?) generally would comment about your weight gain first time they see you after a long while; it is sooo rude! I still cannot understand why we do that! I let it wash over me usually but whyyyy? I listen to and read about ladies going through mental and physical anguish because of their weight; they are not eating right, starving themselves, doing dodgy detoxes, popping pills, having surgery etc. All in a bid, not to be healthy but to look good and fit in.

I think it is ok if all these are being done with a fairly stable mental perspective. We are all vain in some way; Heck! I have considered pills and surgery myself but usually half-heartedly because again, the motivation levels are not that high and I am scared of the side effects. I ask myself ‘do u really wanna get cut up or ingest that pill just so you can look good?’ ‘What if I don’t wake up from the surgery or I develop a terminal illness from that pill?’ ‘Will it be really worth it?’

What I am trying to say is that we should not strive to achieve some level of physical beauty if we are not ok in the head, if it is being done out of the need to be accepted by others because, trust me when you do achieve that goal weight or body shape, there is no guarantee that your mental demons would disappear.

And y’all need to stop judging and passing insensitive comments about us fat people! Stop expecting that other people’s bodies, food and lifestyle choices must align with your views.

Don’t look at us and assume we over-eat or we are unhealthy! Can you imagine the amount of hurt a woman feels when she hears:

you are fat

You are unhealthy

You are ugly

You are not my physical type

You should not eat this, you should eat this, it will help you lose weight

It needs to stop! It is rude, ignorant and just not nice.

“I’m not interested if we are unwilling to honour that there are some people with disabilities and chronic illnesses and mental illnesses, who will never fit into a narrow perception of “healthy.” I’m not interested if healthy is just about calories and weight loss and inherently restrictive eating.

I’m not interested if we’re going to judge people for what they eat and promote a diet culture of shame and self-hatred.” - fuckyeahbodypositivity