Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Turning My Face to the Sun

Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.
--Maori proverb

There are days when nothing seems right, when every move you make blows up in your face, when opportunities are missed just because you were not smart or fast enough, when God seems to have abandoned you, when nothing and no one can offer you any comfort, when you try but fail terribly to look beyond the awful experiences you may be having at a particular time. I have had such moments and I’m quite certain that you have as well. But oh so sweet are the moments afterwards when the sun literally comes out and shines sooo brightly in your little corner and you wonder and feel like screaming out loud to the Lord: “What did I do to deserve all these blessings?”

The one blessing that I have had in the last 2 years has been the blessing of getting hitched to this man who I now call my husband. Truth is I’m more sure he is the one now than when we were actually exchanging vows. Another truth is that on our wedding day, I found the whole proceeding so damn amusing and if you were there, you could recall the stupid grin I had on my face as I walked up and down the aisle. Trust me, it wasn’t a sign of “ooh, I’m marrying the man of my dreams and we are going to live happily ever after etc etc etc”; I was thinking more: “look at all these people dressed up and here because of me, oh goodness, i’m getting married! That is sooo grown-up!”. LOL!!

But did God know that I was about to experience some very trying times ahead and I would need the support of this gentle giant? He sure did know! Marriage is a good thing; IF it is with the right person, there is nothing sweeter than having a partner to share both the good and the bad with, to bicker with, to have evil thoughts about, to have crap sex with, to worry about, to comfort you without expecting anything back and just be by your side though it all.

For the past year, I have had a crap time at work; professionally or career-wise I can’t account for the past year. For the first few months, I quite enjoyed having fewer responsibilities while I waited for a new role to kick in; but it didn’t quite. And I just got sucked into this attitude of forever moaning to the husband when I got home. I was soo tired out of doing almost nothing and I could almost feel my brain cells shutting down section by section like ECG’s recent activities. Coupled with some other personal issues I was going through (I won’t bore you with that detail), my life was just turning into one big black hole of mild depression.

Then one early morning at work, I did what I had been threatening to do (at home) forever, I resigned from work! I just had to do it; I could see no other way to bring some sanity and peace into my life. The uncertainty of having no means of income was over-ruled by this strong desire to bring change into my life. I knew I had to be BRAVE!!! When I handed in that letter, there was this huge feeling of relief coursing through me; it was almost like I had been holding my breath for the past 12 months and now I could breathe again! I just cannot adequately describe how I felt for the next 48 hours.

No one could understand how I could just up and resign when I did not have another job waiting. My response was “I just had to do it! I want to begin 2011 on a new note and I’m confident I would find something by March!” They still didn’t get me and I have to admit that after a couple of weeks, I started getting nervous, a teeny bit. I just couldn’t bring myself to actively search for a new job; I turned down 3 interviews for various reasons. I eventually went for one and got offered the job!! Such relief again!! God is gooood! He pulled though for me just when I was beginning to doubt myself.

For a long time, my life had been smooth, no drama. I went to school and excelled with minimum effort. I got good-paying jobs without too much hustle. I had relationships (well quite a number of them) with just one major hiccup/heartbreak. I reconnected with an old friend and we got married. My life was just too easy and I took a lot of things for granted. But deep down inside me I knew there would be a time when my resilience and faith in God would be tested and boy was I right!! God has given me new reasons to reach out to him and trust him unfailingly. He DOES work in mysterious ways and I still look up to him hoping and wishing that I would be able to align what i want in my life to what he has planned for me. I always end my prayer with “May Thy Will be done in my life oh Lord”.

I sooo look forward to 2011, new job, new outlook, new attitude and hopefully too have some dreams being realised. I have learnt to turn my face to the sun. There is soo much goodness and love in my life and in this world that even the numbed armies of fear cannot destroy.

I have hope and I am smiling .....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I Didn't Go To Beijing!


This is my opinion and some ladies may not agree with me. And that would be fine because we are all different.

This is to the men....... You may spend a fair bit of time preening over your looks, but good looks are rarely given much importance by women. What we value in a man is a sense of understanding, a caring nature, a can-do attitude (on the verge of sounding like a job vacancy), a sense of humour and the ability to take responsibility for his actions.

Generally for a man, beauty is a tangible concept while for a woman, it is intangible. Girls like all sorts of men in all different, shapes, sizes and colours and looks! I have done tall, short, fat, skinny, fair, dark etc in the past and the one thing they all had in common was a fantastic sense of humour. The lengths of my relationships were positively related to how good his jokes were and how long he could put up with my burps and farts. Good looks do initially attract but there are many other attributes which are attractive, a plain man with a great and fun character is much nicer than a handsome bore!

You see, it’s a lot about intangibles and character rather than the physical. For me, self-esteem is also very high on the list; I’ve been known to struggle telling the difference between ‘arrogance/corky' and 'high self-esteem' but thankfully, those days are far behind me. Every woman likes her man to be honest with her. A woman will have the highest regard for the man who genuinely values and respects her instead of just showering her with chocolates, flowers, diamonds and the like. I mean a diamond once a year should be fine, none at all would be suicidal!

Apart, from all these nicey character traits that I like, I also like my man to be manly and in charge ‘some’ of the time. I like a man who is good with his hands. I would love my man to have a hobby like carpentry or auto-mechanics and not flower arrangements! Or just know where the latest bar in town is or what’s new on TV!

Today, I read an article online in which Top Gear host James May hit out at a ‘useless’ new generation of men – describing them as ‘morons’ who do not know how to iron a shirt or put up a shelf. He believes that even his laddish, testosterone-fuelled hit BBC2 show does not portray men in a favourable light – and has instead turned its male presenters into ‘characters in a sitcom’. May, 47, also predicted that if men do not return to their more masculine roles, women will soon no longer have a use for them except as sperm donor.


This article plus the viewer comments made me smile from beginning to end! It captured my sentiments exactly on the issue of what kind of man rocks my boat! I thought my views on the kind of man I like may seem unpopular or inappropriate bearing in mind what Feminists keep on bleating about. I have always jokingly said that “I didn’t go to Beijing!” It may surprise some people (both men and women) to know that there is actually one woman (yes me) who actually likes it when her man takes charge when it matters and does handyman jobs around the home. And that I also enjoy providing a nice hot cooked meal for him while he potters about.  

When my husband fixes something around the house I find it very masculine and very hot! When he irons..... that kills me too. It makes me feel like I'm being looked after and even though I could attempt or do much of it myself I leave him to do it because I read somewhere that men like being wanted/needed.

Sometimes it's nice when boys are boys and girls are girls. I like it when I cook and he compliments me. It makes me feel appreciated and it's something that I do for him because I'm better at it. I don't care much what the feminists would say about this.

I agree with equality but a man is a man, and that is ultimately what I want.

So get out that tool belt fellas! We need you! A world without manly men would be awful.

Chivalry and courtesy should be the order of the day! With women at the receiving end of course!

 J

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Corporate Affairs


Thanks to my colleague and Ryan’s Irish Pub mate Jhonnel for coming up with this blog title J.



Maybe it's something in the water-cooler. Maybe it's the glow of the florescent lights. Perhaps it's the Mozart playing softly in the elevator. Whatever the reason, love is in the office. Almost half of us have been romantically tied to someone from work, and many more would like to find amour in a neighbouring cubicle, according to a 2001 study by Vault.com.

And guess what? It is no longer your usual scenario of ‘single male + single female’ or ‘married male + single female’; now we are having more of: ‘married male + married female’ and ‘single male + married female’ scenarios! I know we have been fighting for women’s liberation and equality in the work place for like forever but I’m still struggling to relate to why that has been stretched to affairs at work! I try and try to understand and rationalise it but just not working out well in my head especially the married woman bit.

We live in a society that is preoccupied with sex and this sexually-charged environment doesn't end at the office door. Today, there are more women in the work force than ever before, and professionals spend an average of 50 hours a week on the job; this is minus the time spent in traffic getting to and from the office. The new working situation means that people often spend more time with their co-workers than with their friends or family. Additionally, employers are requiring that women travel in conjunction with carrying out their work activities.  I can understand that because if you want to be paid the same as your male colleague then you should be doing same as him and putting in same hours. However, this provides additional opportunity for close relationships to develop outside the normal work environment. Since women are more likely to associate feelings of closeness with sexual feelings, these friendships provide a fertile ground for eventually becoming sexual relationships.

When two unmarried people at work are having an affair, they have plenty of choices of time and place for sex without resorting to using the office setting. But the furtive nature of an affair involving at least one married person presents a different dilemma - often resulting in stolen moments of passion in the office.

The heady nature of an extramarital affair can cause otherwise sane and responsible people to behave in rather bizarre ways. For instance, they may go so far as to have sex on a desk (after hours) or in a locked storage room (during working hours). While the risks associated with office romances (between two single people) may be diminished by being discreet and relating in a professional way at work, office affairs (where at least one of the partners is married) carry far more risks. And let’s face it, these risks are much greater for women than for men.

The double standard for judging sexual behaviour that exists in society as a whole exists in the office as well. We are all more likely to be harsher in our judgment of the woman than the man when it comes to an office affair; and I am very guilty of that. I mean a cheating husband is part of the landscape in Ghana innit? But a cheating wife is still a novelty and just seems sooo baaaaaad.

They say we women are ‘ninjas’ but truth is there is always that huge possibility that a woman involved in an affair will be distracted by it. While most men have learned to compartmentalize their lives and separate their feelings from their ability to focus on other things, women in most cases experience some problems in blocking out the dynamics of an office affair while trying to concentrate on their work. Recipe for disaster for sure.

How about the eon-old scenario of a male boss shagging a female worker? Even though the risks of an affair with the boss are higher, there are other complicating factors that cause a woman to lose sight of the risks. She is likely to have a great deal of admiration for his ability and success and come to value him not only as a boss, but also as a friend and mentor. It also helps that he is providing the cash for her 2 years rent advance, fuel for her car etc. Power does smell and taste good. I mean for which other reason would I have a crush on Silvio Berlusconi?

Hand on my heart when I was young and silly, I did find myself in this sort of situation. We were both single (I think he was …) but he was my supervisor and I was about 19, he was about 10 years older and I was curious …. I remember us climbing to the rooftop of our office building to fool about. It was quite exciting and did not last long; the ‘relationship’ that is, not the ‘fooling about’. I was young and not emotionally attached and we remain on good terms more than 10 years later. This is not the norm however because in most cases, affairs or relationships in the office do not end well; and when an affair of this sort becomes a problem, it is usually the women who are penalized. When the affair with her boss ends, her job is likely to end as well whether voluntarily or not.

The boss often has a lot of control over a woman's future in terms of her economic well-being and her opportunities for advancement. This is not to say that women are trying to "sleep their way to the top." Most ambitious women today recognize that this is clearly not the best path to success. But their boss may play such an important part in their lives that they have difficulty separating their professional relationship from their personal feelings. However, I believe it is always a matter of choice; and I have no sympathy for the women who turn around months/years later to complain of sexual harassment if they did nothing to discourage it or encouraged it when it occurred!

But away from the boss-worker scenario, it is still just more trouble than gain getting involved with someone at work. I have a friend who was dating a colleague at work and there was never a time when she was not moaning about one thing or the other concerning the relationship. She felt that she needed time & space away from him, and it was shit seeing him at work every day and wondering how to act with him; everyone knew they were together, but he was too shy to be affectionate in front of anyone and that pissed her off. Then there was the gossiping and finally he broke up with her over her accepting a lift home from another guy from work. Not surprisingly, the rumour-mongerers got some of their facts wrong and she was the office slapper from then on even though nothing happened!

Relationships are a beautiful thing when they work out, but can be hell if they do not. As someone who works in the wonderful (not) world of Human Resources, I won’t recommend that you indulge in a relationship or an ‘affair’ with someone at your workplace whether one of you is married or not. But if you must then please follow these guidelines to maintain balance between professionalism and romance:

·         Steer clear of your direct boss or subordinate - While some office connections may be acceptable, dating the person you report to, or someone who reports to you, is not.
·         Do a little research - Find out if your company has policies on dating. It may forbid or strongly discourage relationships between certain people in the company or require you to report the relationship when it begins.
·         Proceed with caution - You'll do yourself a favour by taking things slow. Before the relationship gets serious, be sure both of you have the maturity, judgment and tact to handle a potentially intense emotional experience in a work environment.
·         Set some rules - Laying down ground rules may not be romantic, but will help you keep your work life professional and your social life unburdened by office issues.
·         Be discreet
·         DON’T DO IT! J

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dowry Lists by Tribes


Unfortunately, this is not a Dede original but I think whoever put this together deserves an award!!
So delightfully politically incorrect!!!


The Gas 
  1. 10 pieces of white cloth (for pregnancy & outdooring) 
  2. 20 crates of Star beer (10 for the mother-in-law, 10 for father-in-law) 
  3. Albion or Nissan Bluebird car 
  4. 4 live pigs (for domedo) 
  5. One akasanoma radio (for listening to Obunu 93.3FM) 
  6. 2 years advance rent (cos you will be staying with your in-laws) 
  7. 1 CD compilation of DJ Gblagazaa's Mixx feat Screwface 
  8. 1 Pair Trawler 
  9. 1 drum of apeteshie (for libation sake) 
  10. Valid residence preferably in James Town, Mpoase, Mamprobi, Chokor, Teshie Tsui Bleeoo, Teshie Tiafi ahe



The Ashanti 
  1. Valid visa to Germany/Spain/USA 
  2. Shares in Obuasi Goldfields 
  3. 1 Store at a Commercial Business District 
  4. A degree in "yobbing" 
  5. DNA Test results to prove linkage to the Asantehene 
  6. Middle School Leaving Certificate (standard 7 accepted) 
  7. 5 set of mortar and pestle 
  8. Cassava & plantain farm (no fufu powder) 
  9. Speak fluent "capo" language 
  10. 1 copy of Everyday English 
  11. Valid residence in areas such as Abossey Okai, North Kaneshie, Sukura, Russia



The Ewes 
  1. 10kg of "atama" snuff (for the father-in-law) 
  2. Oversized Tema-station suit (for future growth and expansion) 
  3. Cassava farm 
  4. Multi-colored XXXL towel for father-in-law (if he's from the Southern Volta) 
  5. 10 pieces of white "Obroni waawu" singlets (for the father in-law) 
  6. 8 pieces of multicolored vest (for Mother-in-law). To be used on market days 
  7. One stall at Asigame (for mother-in-law) 
  8. Connections to work in government agencies preferably post offices and hospitals 
  9. 20 sets of neatly wrapped chewing sticks 
  10. My First Copy Book (for retired fisherman now turned student 
  11. Valid residence preferably in these locations: Madina, Agbogba, Adenta, Haatso, Libya Quarters, Ashaley Botwe



The Kwahus 
  1. 3 year valid SUSU Saving bank account 
  2. Hardware store- dealing in cement, iron rods, paints, roofing sheets etc. 
  3. Middle School Leaving Certificate 
  4. Ability to sponsor Easter trips back home every year 
  5. Valid visa and work permit in Spain preferably apple plantations 
  6. One drinking spot 
  7. Valid residence in areas such as Dome, Taifa, Kwabenya, Saint Johns etc



The Krobos 
  1. 30 packs of GSMF approved condoms (protection sake) 
  2. 20 funeral cloths 
  3. Ability to perform paternity tests often 
  4. One blue kiosk 
  5. 45 pieces of mercy soap/cream and ointment 
  6. Residence in a compound house



The Fantes 
  1. 20 crates of Ovaltine/Tetley tea bags 
  2. 50kg of sausage 
  3. 77 containers of jam/margarine
  4. 67 crates of ideal milk 
  5. 10 boxes of turkey wings 
  6. 6 crates of eggs 
  7. 1 seagoing canoe 
  8. Required High School-Adisadel College & Mfantsipim 
  9. Participation in keysoap TV programmes especially Cantata & Concert Party 
  10. Connection to work in government agencies such as Post office, Ministries and Newspaper agencies



The Dagombas
  1. Yet to be approved by the Ya-Naa.......

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A friend sent me this email forward that I just had to share! So hilarious & true!!!

WICOE 
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
 

Is proud to announce the opening of its
 

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL ARE WELCOME


Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants


The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
 

DAY ONE


HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation


TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion


DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)


DISHES & SILVERWARE;
 
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.
 

REMOTE CONTROL

Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups


LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum
 


DAY TWO


EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play


HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation


REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did


IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation


LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing


HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques


REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class


GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

Monday, October 4, 2010

If I Were Rich ....

If I Were Rich ....

  • Broadband service with the speed of lightening for everyone in Lakeside Estates! It's on me!
  • I would fund a research project into manufacturing a better the ultimate g-spot-hitting vibrator
  • I would fund a research project into manufacturing a safe slimming pill that zaps all the fat away in a minute! Then I would buy the Hervé Léger bandage dress in every colour and design!
  • I would go on a luxury Western Mediterranean cruise, visit ports such as Venice, Dubrovnik, Santorini, Catania, Sicily, Naples, Livorno, Barcelona ....
  • I would open a used book store or a coffee shop, or a combination of the two. I could have story time for kids at my book store, and big comfy couches in the back for people to relax in and read
  • I would buy all ‘motivational’ and ‘self-help’ books and burn them!
  • I would buy/build my dream house next to Oprah’s; she, me and Gayle would be ‘the clique’. Go on holidays together, throw parties together, go for manis and padis and relax by Oprah’s pool ..... aaaahh
  • I could think more interesting thoughts. My brain would not be taken up with things like, “Should I cancel this trip to Ada so I can hold onto the petrol in my tank for 2 more days till the refill at work?”

But making this list made me think further: “What would be so different about my life if I were filthy rich?

It would certainly be nice to NOT worry about money, to NOT look forward so much to the next pay check, to NOT worry about how to take care of my parents when they become elderly and frail and likely need round the clock care, in fact to NOT worry about my own eldercare etc etc etc
But unless I become outrageously wealthy, all these things WON’T change:

1.    I won’t love my husband any more than I do now.  He won’t love me any differently, either (well I hope)
2.    I will still groan about going to the gym (even if it’s now my dream gym, in my dream home)
3.    I will still have to get that hair off my legs and complain while doing it
4.    I will still be stuck in traffic to and from work (yes even in my dream car with the chauffeur)
5.    I will still wonder whether the contractor/plumber/electrician is ripping me off (I might not care as much, but I will still wonder because I am my mother’s daughter)

And so it goes.

Like most people, on almost every day of the year I wish I had MORE.  But I am learning that rather than dream about MORE, I need to make a conscious effort to remember that I’ve already got MORE THAN ENOUGH and I’m soo much better off than a lot of people!