Aaaaahhhh ........

This morning has been  proper weird. 

I have had a rough few weeks. At the end of March and last week (first week in April), I have been brooding on how my 2011 went and how it's been six months since our loss. I can only describe my 2011 as .... trough .... peak ...... trough and my 2012 as  ..... trough .... so deep I struggle to see over the edge of the chasm I seem to find myself in. It's like rock-bottom hard. And it is harder because I am pretending to both my family and friends that I am cool. I mean how long can you put up a front for without tiring yourself out?

I feel I may not also be helping myself much and maybe not making enough effort to appreciate what else is good. I can count them certainly but they don't move me; I have become quite selfish with God. Charley I can't even sing in church, the few times I have been. I feel bad about it but not terrible enough to do something about it. But how do you 'do something about it'? Really? 

If I am completely honest with myself I will admit that I am not happy with my life. I am not happy with how I am dealing with life and it's issues. And I am sure others are by now tired of me and my issues; well, it's a good thing I am not burdening them with that then! :-)

Today, as I opened my inbox and read the daily emails I subscribe to, it just seemed sooo strange that both my Daily Bread and a daily quote service I subscribe to touched on life's struggles and coping with them. 

In fact today's Daily Bread is about a couple losing their 9 year old and how they were coping by seeking solace in the Lord. I have always been ticked off when people flippantly just told me to 'trust in God' and let it be etc. People I felt had no place telling me this if they did not have a clue what I was going through if they had not had similar experiences. But this couple to unexpectedly lose a 9 year old. 9 years of bonding and loving a child and they trusting in God ..... That floored me. I need to do better with myself and God. I need to get out of this funk and make an effort to get better and be better.

Then the other email too I have shared below; enough said .......

Count Your Blessings
Unknown Author

I've never made a fortune,

and it's probably too late now.

But I don't worry about that much,

I'm happy anyhow.



And as I go along life's way,

I'm reaping better than I sowed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,

'Cause my cup has overflowed.



Haven't got a lot of riches,

and sometimes the going's tough.

But I've got loving ones all around me,

and that makes me rich enough.



I thank God for his blessings,

and the mercies He's bestowed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,

'Cause my cup has overflowed.



I remember times when things went wrong,

My faith wore somewhat thin.

But all at once the dark clouds broke,

and the sun peeped through again.



So Lord, help me not to gripe,

about the tough rows I have hoed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,

'Cause my cup has overflowed.



If God gives me strength and courage,

When the way grows steep and rough.

I'll not ask for other blessings,

I'm already blessed enough.



And may I never be too busy,

to help others bear their loads.

Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,

'Cause my cup has overflowed.



When I think of how many people

in this world have it worse than I do.

I realize just how blessed most of us really are.