A Letter to My Husband

Mi tsui, it is so hard to express just how much you meant to me, but I so want to try. I want to respond to the beautiful words that you put into your speech on our wedding day.
When we first met over 17 years ago, I remembered being overwhelmed by a desire to become a part of your world. You were so full of life, exciting, fun and interesting and you remained so until the day we lost you.

We lost and regained contact over the years till we reconnected again in London in 2006 when we were both smarting from failed relationships. We confided in each other about “oh how hard and confusing this thing they call relationship was!” We maintained contact and I encouraged you to move back home as I was planning to. You were finally convinced to make the move after a holiday home and you actually relocated to Ghana a month before me. When I came to Ghana, things just fell into place and the many years of friendship blossomed into a relationship. We knew each other well as friends so things quickly escalated and we were married within 15 months of us moving to Ghana.

You called me Tsui meaning ‘Heart’ in Ga because you said I was that to you. I remember our beautiful wedding day. It was quite simply the most wonderful day of my life. You were at the core, all that I wished for in a husband and memories from that day are just some of the richest and warmest I will have of you. I remember the precious times we shared on our honeymoon. We were having such a happy time and we were enjoying experiencing new things. We felt so at peace, so relaxed and were so excited about the future.  I have always felt lucky that you chose me to share in your life experiences and I am grateful for some exceptionally special memories and times.

I will miss our cuddles in bed with our daughter Awura on Sunday mornings. I even miss our squabbles which now seem so petty. We would squabble about the meaning of words and phrases; even after the meaning had been checked on Google! I miss you leaving empty water sachets around the house. I will miss how often I would exclaim to you that “I cannot clean up after another adult!” because you seemed unable to hang up towels, wash up dishes or wash soap suds off the shower walls.  I miss the often profane and silly things you would say to me; in fact, just a week before we lost your physical self, you told me I should start a blog post titled “My Husband Says the Darndest Things”. I thought that was a brilliant idea and I had my first entry ready. I was soo happy to finally have the carte blanche to share the silliness that came out of your mouth sometimes.
We did not share similar interests but what we knew how to do very well from the very beginning was how to allow the other to be; even though you tried and failed many times to get me to learn Poker and Chess and I also tried and failed to get you to finish watching a romantic comedy film without falling asleep or to indulge in a bit of gossip; you always threatened to tell the one I was gossiping about. You however, indulged me in my desire to go away on short breaks around the country. Chief, you got me so well and I am scared no one else ever will.

You were so intelligent and smart and committed 100% to every job you took up. It was all or nothing for you all the time and colleagues or business partners often struggled to understand you in that regard. You always remained true to and unwavering in what you believed in; a trait that exasperated me sometimes yet I admired many times. You had such a brilliant mind and I am sad to say that I now know I underestimated your awesomeness.

We endured some truly trying times in our quest to grow our family and through all those moments, you remained stoic, supportive and understanding. You were there to hold my hand every step of the way and hug me when I felt most vulnerable and low.  All that we went through helped me to cope with the suddenness and finality of death. I have accepted the loss of your physical self quickly without any sense of ‘whatifs’ but I have to cope with this journey of loss alone.

I am so happy and grateful to God for giving us the opportunity to become parents. Awura is such a joy! She comforts me to no end. She has your cheeky grin that makes me smile and I know she will make us proud. She is a special human being just like her Dada. It tears me up inside knowing that you did not get the opportunity to be a parent for many more years because in the months that you got the opportunity to be a father, you did it well and showed tremendous promise. It could take you days to get round to changing a light bulb but you would put together a piece of furniture or a toy for Awura in a heartbeat. You would squeeze her so tight in your arms, I wondered if she could breathe. You said Awura was so beautiful inside and out that we needed to make more like her as quickly as possible.  The role you played best was that of Dada as it should be.

It hurts so bad because I wish we could have had more years together. Our family life was finally coming together. We were finally getting to the point of making big plans together but I am comforted and consoled by the rich tapestry of memories that we formed over our 5.5 years of married life together. Thank you.

Tsui, I promise you will never ever be forgotten especially by Awura and I will miss you so very much. You were one person who did not cope well with death or even sickness in others so I know you will understand if I don’t say goodbye to you now. What I will say instead is 'See you later!' And may the Lord keep you safe until that time. I'm looking forward to it so very much!
All my love now, forever and always.
Your tsui, your Deedee

Loves longing takes me across the river

Over the mountains and along the shore

You are here because I will it so

And because love knows no boundary

Your body is gone but your love lives here within my heart

My days grow shorter and my nights seem darker now

I am sad at times because you are gone

Happier still to have had you in my life for so long

Your love is here and my breath is your breath

And will remain so until I can no longer inhale

Goodbye mi tsui

Until we meet again...