Begone, Unbelief!

At this point in my life when I'm trying (but struggling) to find solace, confidence, inspiration and fresh hope, i hope stumbling upon this hymn again would help.

I have sung this hymn numerouse times in church but never has it resonated sooo deeply within the very core of me! And not even because it is describing what I'm feeling at present, but it is describing where i want to be with respect to my spirituality and faith in God. I know I'm not there yet; I cannot say my faith has been shaken. No no no! God has shown me that faith pays. I am just seeking a deeper understanding of what his plan is for me and my family.

Yes, my life is dark and dreary at present but I'm looking for the inner strength and a sort of link by which I can hold on or cleave much tighter to God. From where else would I find solace?


Begone unbelief, my Savior is near,
And for my relief will surely appear:
By prayer let me wrestle, and He wilt perform,
With Christ in the vessel, I smile at the storm.

Though dark be my way, since He is my Guide,
’Tis mine to obey, ’tis His to provide;
Though cisterns be broken, and creatures all fail,
The Word He has spoken shall surely prevail.

His love in time past forbids me to think
He’ll leave me at last in trouble to sink;
Each sweet Ebenezer I have in review,
Confirms His good pleasure to help me quite through.

Determined to save, He watched o’er my path,
When Satan’s blind slave, I sported with death;
And can He have taught me to trust in His Name,
And thus far have brought me, to put me to shame?

Why should I complain of want or distress,
Temptation or pain? He told me no less:
The heirs of salvation, I know from His Word,
Through much tribulation must follow their Lord.

How bitter that cup, no heart can conceive,
Which He drank quite up, that sinners might live!
His way was much rougher, and darker than mine;
Did Jesus thus suffer, and shall I repine?

Since all that I meet shall work for my good,
The bitter is sweet, the medicine is food;
Though painful at present, wilt cease before long,
And then, O! how pleasant, the conqueror’s song!

Amen!

Our First Born

Another mother's poem to her Aubrey Joy which captures aptly my emotions for my very own Aubrey Joy.

Peace, Love, Aubrey Joy
O precious,tiny,sweet little one,
You will always be to me
So perfect,pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be;
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be,
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We had such little time to play,
To laugh,to rock, to wiggle,
We long to hold you,touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll ALWAYS be your mommy,
He'll ALWAYS be your daddy,
You will ALWAYS be our child
The child that we had.

But now you're gone...
But yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere;
You are our sorrow and our JOY"
There's LOVE in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you NEVER,
The child we had, but couldn't keep
And yet will have FOREVER.

DON'T QUIT

I HAD TO SHARE THIS ...... ENJOY

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,


When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,


When the funds are low and the debts are high,


And you want to smile but you have to sigh,


When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but dont you quit. 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.


Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,


The silver tint on the clouds of doubt,


And you can never tell how close you are,


It may be near when it seems afar.


So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit


It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

~ Unknown

I Still Miss Him

So this evening, I've been crying after reading a blog of a Canadian man written while he was dying from cancer plus his last post that he had instructed his family to put up after he passed away. I was bawling my eyes out and sniffling all over the place.

That brought thoughts of the one close person in my life I've lost: my grandfather. After 3 years, I still miss him immensely! He passed in Jan 2008 and the sad thing is between 2004 and 2007, we were not in touch much because I was out of the country and even when I returned in late 2007 and he fell ill and was in hospital, I feel I didn't visit him enough. Too many late night-outs and the assumption that he would get better. I feel soooo guilty when I think I may have failed him towards the end.

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him! But I know that he is with our Lord already, rejoicing in His presence. I am very very thankful that I grew up with my Papa and that he was the father that the Lord gave to me for the first few years of my life. He was a wonderful man and I'm glad he lived!

I miss you Papa. Always

THE BRICK

I had had to share this after I read it this morning ......

How many times have you asked yourself, 'why is this happening to me?' or 'why is God punishing me?' Whatever word you give to your problem and choose to search on the net for an answer or explanation, you will find thousands of places that claim to be able to free you from all of your tribulations.


You name it, there is a book, a site, and a 'guide' over there that will give the answers you desperately need. Some of them are sincere, and are honestly done to inspire hope and to support you in achieving a positive life and self-esteem. What they all have in common is that 'you hold the answer to all your questions, and the solution to all of your troubles.'


Maybe you don't even believe in God but nevertheless when something bad hits you over the head you question 'who, or what, is the power that threw me that punch?' Have you ever thought about first asking yourself the answer to that thorny question? Remember that little voice that is constantly nudging you? Well, that voice can be your best friend and advisor, or your worst enemy. If you believe in God or a force that connect and guides our dimensions you will pray and try to find comfort in your beliefs. If not, the road will be long, wide and hard. As one of these believers I pass to you this simple advice, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
What I call spirituality is not going to church every Sunday or joining any mystic group. Spirituality is being responsible for all of your thoughts and actions. The forces of the universe will take care to coordinate these thoughts and actions and transform your life and the world. 


As opposed to advising you on how to live your life, I will entertain you with this short story I heard a long time ago. Especially now at this difficult period of global uncertainty, when we are exposed to so much suffering, misunderstanding and pain, it has an even more poignant feel.


A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared but instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.


The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid he saw standing by and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'


The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister....please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, ' he said, "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."


Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'


Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.


It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!'


God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not. He didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but God did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.


Let this thought sink in... If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Have a great journey.


~ Ton Pascal

Turning My Face to the Sun

Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.

--Maori proverb

There are days when nothing seems right, when every move you make blows up in your face, when opportunities are missed just because you were not smart or fast enough, when God seems to have abandoned you, when nothing and no one can offer you any comfort, when you try but fail terribly to look beyond the awful experiences you may be having at a particular time. I have had such moments and I’m quite certain that you have as well. But oh so sweet are the moments afterwards when the sun literally comes out and shines sooo brightly in your little corner and you wonder and feel like screaming out loud to the Lord: “What did I do to deserve all these blessings?”

The one blessing that I have had in the last 2 years has been the blessing of getting hitched to this man who I now call my husband. Truth is I’m more sure he is the one now than when we were actually exchanging vows. Another truth is that on our wedding day, I found the whole proceeding so damn amusing and if you were there, you could recall the stupid grin I had on my face as I walked up and down the aisle. Trust me, it wasn’t a sign of “ooh, I’m marrying the man of my dreams and we are going to live happily ever after etc etc etc”; I was thinking more: “look at all these people dressed up and here because of me, oh goodness, i’m getting married! That is sooo grown-up!”. LOL!!

But did God know that I was about to experience some very trying times ahead and I would need the support of this gentle giant? He sure did know! Marriage is a good thing; IF it is with the right person, there is nothing sweeter than having a partner to share both the good and the bad with, to bicker with, to have evil thoughts about, to have crap sex with, to worry about, to comfort you without expecting anything back and just be by your side though it all.

For the past year, I have had a crap time at work; professionally or career-wise I can’t account for the past year. For the first few months, I quite enjoyed having fewer responsibilities while I waited for a new role to kick in; but it didn’t quite. And I just got sucked into this attitude of forever moaning to the husband when I got home. I was soo tired out of doing almost nothing and I could almost feel my brain cells shutting down section by section like ECG’s recent activities. Coupled with some other personal issues I was going through (I won’t bore you with that detail), my life was just turning into one big black hole of mild depression.

Then one early morning at work, I did what I had been threatening to do (at home) forever, I resigned from work! I just had to do it; I could see no other way to bring some sanity and peace into my life. The uncertainty of having no means of income was over-ruled by this strong desire to bring change into my life. I knew I had to be BRAVE!!! When I handed in that letter, there was this huge feeling of relief coursing through me; it was almost like I had been holding my breath for the past 12 months and now I could breathe again! I just cannot adequately describe how I felt for the next 48 hours.

No one could understand how I could just up and resign when I did not have another job waiting. My response was “I just had to do it! I want to begin 2011 on a new note and I’m confident I would find something by March!” They still didn’t get me and I have to admit that after a couple of weeks, I started getting nervous, a teeny bit. I just couldn’t bring myself to actively search for a new job; I turned down 3 interviews for various reasons. I eventually went for one and got offered the job!! Such relief again!! God is gooood! He pulled though for me just when I was beginning to doubt myself.

For a long time, my life had been smooth, no drama. I went to school and excelled with minimum effort. I got good-paying jobs without too much hustle. I had relationships (well quite a number of them) with just one major hiccup/heartbreak. I reconnected with an old friend and we got married. My life was just too easy and I took a lot of things for granted. But deep down inside me I knew there would be a time when my resilience and faith in God would be tested and boy was I right!! God has given me new reasons to reach out to him and trust him unfailingly. He DOES work in mysterious ways and I still look up to him hoping and wishing that I would be able to align what i want in my life to what he has planned for me. I always end my prayer with “May Thy Will be done in my life oh Lord”.

I sooo look forward to 2011, new job, new outlook, new attitude and hopefully too have some dreams being realised. I have learnt to turn my face to the sun. There is soo much goodness and love in my life and in this world that even the numbed armies of fear cannot destroy.

I have hope and I am smiling .....

I Didn't Go To Beijing!

This is my opinion and some ladies may not agree with me. And that would be fine because we are all different.

This is to the men....... You may spend a fair bit of time preening over your looks, but good looks are rarely given much importance by women. What we value in a man is a sense of understanding, a caring nature, a can-do attitude (on the verge of sounding like a job vacancy), a sense of humour and the ability to take responsibility for his actions.

Generally for a man, beauty is a tangible concept while for a woman, it is intangible. Girls like all sorts of men in all different, shapes, sizes and colours and looks! I have done tall, short, fat, skinny, fair, dark etc in the past and the one thing they all had in common was a fantastic sense of humour. The lengths of my relationships were positively related to how good his jokes were and how long he could put up with my burps and farts. Good looks do initially attract but there are many other attributes which are attractive, a plain man with a great and fun character is much nicer than a handsome bore!

You see, it’s a lot about intangibles and character rather than the physical. For me, self-esteem is also very high on the list; I’ve been known to struggle telling the difference between ‘arrogance/corky' and 'high self-esteem' but thankfully, those days are far behind me. Every woman likes her man to be honest with her. A woman will have the highest regard for the man who genuinely values and respects her instead of just showering her with chocolates, flowers, diamonds and the like. I mean a diamond once a year should be fine, none at all would be suicidal!

Apart, from all these nicey character traits that I like, I also like my man to be manly and in charge ‘some’ of the time. I like a man who is good with his hands. I would love my man to have a hobby like carpentry or auto-mechanics and not flower arrangements! Or just know where the latest bar in town is or what’s new on TV!

Today, I read an article online in which Top Gear host James May hit out at a ‘useless’ new generation of men – describing them as ‘morons’ who do not know how to iron a shirt or put up a shelf. He believes that even his laddish, testosterone-fuelled hit BBC2 show does not portray men in a favourable light – and has instead turned its male presenters into ‘characters in a sitcom’. May, 47, also predicted that if men do not return to their more masculine roles, women will soon no longer have a use for them except as sperm donor.

This article plus the viewer comments made me smile from beginning to end! It captured my sentiments exactly on the issue of what kind of man rocks my boat! I thought my views on the kind of man I like may seem unpopular or inappropriate bearing in mind what Feminists keep on bleating about. I have always jokingly said that “I didn’t go to Beijing!” It may surprise some people (both men and women) to know that there is actually one woman (yes me) who actually likes it when her man takes charge when it matters and does handyman jobs around the home. And that I also enjoy providing a nice hot cooked meal for him while he potters about.  

When my husband fixes something around the house I find it very masculine and very hot! When he irons..... that kills me too. It makes me feel like I'm being looked after and even though I could attempt or do much of it myself I leave him to do it because I read somewhere that men like being wanted/needed.

Sometimes it's nice when boys are boys and girls are girls. I like it when I cook and he compliments me. It makes me feel appreciated and it's something that I do for him because I'm better at it. I don't care much what the feminists would say about this.

I agree with equality but a man is a man, and that is ultimately what I want.

So get out that tool belt fellas! We need you! A world without manly men would be awful.

Chivalry and courtesy should be the order of the day! With women at the receiving end of course!

 J