I am convinced that losing a child is something that you
never “get over.” Yes, it’s something that becomes easier to talk about and
easier to deal with, but you never forget. It doesn’t matter how long
you knew a little one was growing inside you, or how long you got to spend time
with them in person…the love you feel is intensely full and possessive and the
pain of loss indescribably immense when you lose a child to heaven.
The 14th of September is our angel baby’s
birthday and will always be every year. Our baby shares the same birthdate as
Amy Winehouse; I remember how this thought made me slightly nauseous a year ago.
This 14th of September is only the first 14th of
September that I have experienced since we lost our Awura Akua. In one sense it
feels like forever ago, but when I think about the pain and heartbreak that I
felt, it seems like yesterday. The grief is still there. Seasoned with grace,
yes, but it’s still there.
When she arrived, we were apprehensive the first week but
overjoyed and incredibly in love at the same time. This tiny little bird who
weighed less than a kilo but oh sooo feisty and breathing on her own! But we
lost her suddenly almost 3 weeks later. I am not going to dwell too much on the
pain now in this post, it is still there, it is very personal and I have harped
on about it enough on this blog. Y’all must be tired of it by now so I will
spare you.
But on this 14th September, the first of many
that I will treasure cos it’s my first born’s birthday, Sugar Bear Wofa Yaw and
I went away. We drove out of Accra to be away from it all. It was a good
weekend away filled with both poignant and crazy moments like:
·
Being stopped by Cape Coast policemen cos I
was not wearing my seatbelt and had not had my driving license validated. They
seized my license, I was in no mood to bribe so I apologised but did not get my
license back. But I just loved the fury on the policeman’s face as he booked me;
you aint getting no money out of me sucker!
·
Commenting to Wofa Yaw that I actually don’t know
how to get to GeyHey and then exclaiming loudly with surprise when we drove by
the gates moments later! How could I have missed Abura and Kakumdo?
·
Being hounded by these persky (I know it is
not a proper word but I feel it describes them best) little boys at the
entrance to Kakum Forest to buy cocoa pods. Who buys cocoa pods?? What do you
do with them??
·
My heart dropping down to my big black ass
the minute my feet stepped onto the canopy walk. Who was I kidding?????????? I
nearly shat my pants and I have no idea how I made it across that first one!
Memories of being scared shitless when Kokui and I went on this ride at a fair
in Nottingham back in 2004 or so crossed my mind.
At
least I now know that my idea of a holiday or R&R is vegetating on a beach
with a good book, music and lots of food and cocktails. I have no adventurous
bone in my body! Fuck all that!
·
Deciding to drive from Cape Coast to have a
drink in Takoradi after 7pm just because we could. And experiencing car trouble
en route!
·
Seeing those ladies of the night at Champs in
Takoradi, ei!! The hair, the hooker heels, the brazen attitude! Wow!
I am soo glad we decided to go away. I don’t know how I
would have been able to deal with the usual troubles of a day at work etc on
that day.
As I
remember my precious little Aubrey Joy Awura Akua who is in heaven, I wonder
what kind of personality she would have had. I wonder if you will truly have
looked just like me as your Papa thought; Grandma said you are the most
beautiful baby girl as she bathed you and my chest becomes tight knowing she
never knew you alive.
But, I
rejoice knowing that this little one awaits me in heaven. My faith has been
shaken through it all and I struggle to pray and go to church but I tell myself
if there is a heaven then I have to strive to get there so I will meet our
first born again.
So from
earth to heaven: “I love you my angel baby. I’ll see you soon, ok?”
No comments:
Post a Comment