Love my Bitches & Dudes

I am very big on friends. With age thankfully, has come the wisdom to choose carefully those I spend energy, time and attention with/on. These people come through for me always and i love going out of my way for them, even if I moan about it sometimes.


I have family members and some friends who pass comments about 'Dede collecting friends' and i sometimes despair at how Miss Okyere is already exhibiting very worrying signs of this trait at a very young age! 🙆


But what are we without the relationships we choose to create and maintain? Forget family, they are thrust on us by nature. I cannot imagine my life without the folks I spend hours with on whatsapp or many weekend hours gossiping, sharing what's worrying or thrilling me at any point in my life.
We seem to live in times when being too chummy with people is frowned upon and some think it's cool that they don't have too many friends. We talk about imaginary haters who want to 'pull us down'. Sharing is discouraged on social media because the witches, wizards and haters will kill your blessings and harm you in some way.

But why should you live life constantly worrying about how others can harm you in some way? It must be tiring!


In good times, scream and shout about it and acknowledge the source. In bad times, grieve in your own personal way, accept, learn lessons from them and move on. God has His own plans for us, He has mapped out our individual paths and your path will have hurdles that are not always caused by someone else not even Satan. It's just the way it is sometimes.


Beyond work and time with family, there are those people who come into your life and give it meaning in different ways and measure. I value my friends, even the selfish and annoying ones and i pray that God continues to give me the wisdom to 'manage' them well.


Here's to you, my dudes and bitches ❤💖🍾🍻🍷


*Post inspired by Mr B. 🤗

Remembering Him Through Music

I thought I had written a blog post already about how certain songs brought back a memory or took me back to a moment in time but I have searched through all my posts and I just can’t find it.

When friends ask me about how I am handling my grief after the loss of Chief, I usually talk about how I manage my feelings, the ebbs and flows etc. and almost all the time, I mention how certain songs bring up memories of him.

We both loved music and if anyone would look at our playlists, they would struggle to pigeon-hole us into a particular genre. Our tastes ran all over the place, his a bit more risqué/eclectic than mine. I used to just love R&B then I lived in the UK for a bit and got into Pop, Alternative Rock and all sorts. Chief would listen to anything. Between us, our tastes in music ranged from “you need to listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me”. J

Anyway, so I spent some time thinking deeply about the songs that evoked memories of Chief to me and I was able to draw up a list; I know I am missing a lot more but they usually come to me after I hear them being played so I might update this list as and when I have anything new to add.

1.      Asem ft. Kwabena Kwabena – “Bye Bye”: He sent me a link to this song when I was in the UK in 2013. We were apart from March to October of that year when I was pregnant with Awura. This was him really showing his soft side, admitting he missed me and our life together and I was sooo touched. I struggle to listen to this song without crying now.

2.      Bread – “Aubrey”: I don’t think that many people know of this group called Bread; they were an American Soft Rock Band from L.A. and Chief shared this song with me after we had decided to name our first born Aubrey while I was pregnant. We loved the lyrics and the soft melodic tune. We sadly lost our Aubrey Joy Awurakua 3 weeks after birth but she will always be our first born; forever in our hearts and alive in this song.

3.      Stevie Wonder - “Isn’t She Lovely”: This was his song for his daughter. Nothing more to say. The plan was to play this during her birth or soon after. Unfortunately, he could not be there. The first time he laid eyes on his daughter was around the humid and crowded luggage carousel in Kotoka International Airport 2 months after she was born. But she got it played to her anyway, as he cuddled her in bed; what those 2 did best was nap together.

4.      B.o.B – Is an American Rapper well known for hits like “Airplanes” and “Nothing on You”. Chief discovered him after a trip to the States and knew I would love his soft rap style and downloaded his whole discography at the time for me. I am not a big fan of raw hard hitting rap. Soon after he returned, he called me over to his laptop, looking very pleased with himself telling me there was this rapper he knew I would LOVE! He started playing his single and I was thinking in my head “uhuh I am probably going to have to pretend I love this, shit!” But I loved the album! Right up my alley.

5.      Coldplay – “Fix You” & “It’s All Yellow”: Hand on my heart it took me a while to get into Coldplay; I used to hear them on the radio in the UK but never paid much attention to them and I still don’t even now but Chief got me to love these 2 singles.

6.      Duncan Mighty – “Obianuju”: We loved to bounce along to this in the car on the days we had not argued about something and the air was not thick with tension lol.

7.      J Martins – “Cool Temper: We went through a period when this was played almost every day and he would get out of his office chair and dance to it. I think this was his pick-me-up song. If you knew Chief, you would know he applied 110% energy/effort to anything he believed in and if it didn’t work, he took it hard. I think this helped. The lyrics say it all:

Hey! If you believe, you go defeat

Stand up to your feet

And say no to your defeat

Believe and do the best

Only Jah fit do the rest

You fit be the next

Believe in me I say

Coolu coolu Mama,

Coolu coolu Papa

Coolu coolu Brother,

Coolu coolu Sister

Coolu coolu Aunty,

Coolu coolu Uncle

Coolu, coolu, coolu Coolu coolu temper

8.      Scissor Sisters – “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin”: I got him to like this pop/glam rock group and this single was a fave to just bump to. Now, Scissor Sisters are as flamboyant and in-your-face gay/bisexual whatever sexual you can think of as they come. They were not the sort of band Chief would have naturally gravitated to but me, with my liberal self, got him into this one. Did you know that the band took its name from the female same-sex sexual activity tribadism commonly known by its scissoring position is a sex act in which a woman rubs her vulva against her partner's body for sexual stimulation, especially for ample stimulation of the clitoris. Kwakwakwakwakwa! So that is the Scissor Sisters I loved and he grew to also like some of their songs and their energetic videos.

9.      Michael Buble – This might surprise some of Chief’s friends but there have been many nights when I would wake up in the middle of the night and my vampire/nocturnal husband would be sat behind his desk with Michael playing softly in the background. The man who was a ball of rough energy on the basketball court loved boring ass Michael Buble. I have got a ton of his songs on his harddrive. I don’t listen to Michael but I stumble on his songs when I am searching for other stuff. Sometimes I click on “Crazy Love” just to go back a bit ….

10.   Maroon 5 – “She Will Be Loved”: I loved Maroon 5 before I got married; Adam Levine is sexy with a voice like a god. One of the few albums I actually bought with cash. We both liked this song which is about a woman getting the love and respect she deserves. Can anyone musically plead better than sexy Adam?

11.   Estelle – American Boy: This takes me back to some Sunday mornings with this playing out loud and me dancing naked with my jiggly bits clapping furiously and him shaking his head. J I especially loved this line:

He said ‘Hey Sister’

It’s really really nice to meet ya

I just met this five foot seven guy who’s just my type

I like the way he’s speaking, his confidence is peaking

Don’t like his baggy jeans but I’ma like what’s underneath it

12.   Oasis – “Wonderwall”: Another UK Rock band; in their finest form, they were known as the Kings of the Britpop scene. Chief knew vaguely about them and I sorta got him to listen to their songs more. Wonderwall we both loved …. Their songs take me back to road trips …

Skinny Blatherings: #FuckYourBeautyStandards

Skinny Blatherings: #FuckYourBeautyStandards

#FuckYourBeautyStandards

Our lives are ruled by choices. What we decide to do each waking moment and how we choose to interact with or impact on others.

I am very aware of that. I choose to not sweat the small stuff most of the time; I avoid most things that I think would stress me out physically and mentally. I self-indulge, I do very minimal self-introspection, and I usually try not to interact with people in ways that would make them feel disrespected, undermined or just generally sad. Striving to do the latter sometimes makes me come across as a softie or a push over. I don’t mind too much. It is a perception held by another. I know that it makes me feel good inside in the long run and that to me is all that matters.

I do all these selfishly for my own sanity. I work on keeping my mental self at a very good equilibrium.

A lot of ladies, both young and old, obsess about their weight and body shape, usually for purely vanity reasons, looking good in that dress, fitting into those skinny jeans, attracting that buff guy etc. That is not me.

Most of my friends think I'm pretty body confident. Though I am not body-confident as perceived by them; I know I'm fat, and I will say it and save you the trouble of saying it. For a long time, I  have accepted my fatness as being what it and I do not lose much sleep over it. My earliest memories of feeling fat go back to early teens when I would sit on the toilet seat and marvel in disgust at how my thighs (yes, they were bigger than usual even then) spread out over the toilet seat. I also remember in my mid-teens in Wesley Girls forever fiddling with my school uniform belt to make it lie just right over my belly; even back then I felt my belly was bigger than my peers and I worried about how my belt made it more noticeable. Now, I look back at photos of me back then and I wonder "how mad was I to not be more accepting of my body back then?" 

Anyway, back to adult me who will not strive to lose weight just to look good in a dress. Those are thoughts that don't end up being actioned because I don’t care enough to be bothered. 

When I have ever seriously considered losing weight, it has been mainly for health reasons. I want to live longer and create more memories with my family and friends. I am not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to die because I was unhealthy. The last time I went to the gym was because I was breaking out and suffering from adult acne and just felt very hormonally out of sync, quite unhealthy both mentally and physically.

I have accepted that I will never be skinny, I eat regularly; my Monday to Friday meals are pretty dull and of regular portions. When I do eat out, well that is another matter, luckily, I cannot afford to eat out often so as they say ‘God works in mysterious ways’. I could do better being more physically active and even though my medical screenings never reveal anything crazily worrying (God looks out for me), recent aches and pains have given me a wake up call. I am growing and my bones are groaning under the extra rolls of fat.

So, practical me has decided I need to work on losing some.

As I said earlier, I am not motivated enough to lose weight to look good. In the style department, I work with what I have and I think I do ok at that. I follow lots of fat/plus size bloggers purely for style/fashion inspiration. When you follow such bloggers, then you know they usually also blog about body-image issues. They blog about the abuse they get for being fat and these ladies usually have histories of eating disorders borne out of their dislike for their bodies and the need to fit into what society finds more acceptable; to escape the abuse; to attract love and attention etc. They are always towing a fine line between self-love and body-hatred, their minds are fragile, yet day in and day out they find the strength to try and inspire others by sharing their stories.

Of course, it irks me that people look at my fat self and automatically assume that I over-eat and that I am not healthy. It annoys me but I have learnt to not enter into discussions or arguments about it because minds are made up and I will only be perceived as giving excuses and justifying an unhealthy lifestyle ‘Le Sigh’. 

Do I remind them that being a certain weight does not always show that you are (un)healthy inside? Do I remind them that I am more than my weight? Do I remind them that it is possible to be skinny and still be mentally and physically unwell or be fat and be happy within? Do I remind them that sometimes striving to be a certain weight and being consumed by it covers up a multitude of emotional problems? How did we get to this point where a woman starving herself is perceived as far healthier than a fat woman celebrating her body and enjoying her meals?

Ghanaians (Africans?) generally would comment about your weight gain first time they see you after a long while; it is sooo rude! I still cannot understand why we do that! I let it wash over me usually but whyyyy? I listen to and read about ladies going through mental and physical anguish because of their weight; they are not eating right, starving themselves, doing dodgy detoxes, popping pills, having surgery etc. All in a bid, not to be healthy but to look good and fit in.

I think it is ok if all these are being done with a fairly stable mental perspective. We are all vain in some way; Heck! I have considered pills and surgery myself but usually half-heartedly because again, the motivation levels are not that high and I am scared of the side effects. I ask myself ‘do u really wanna get cut up or ingest that pill just so you can look good?’ ‘What if I don’t wake up from the surgery or I develop a terminal illness from that pill?’ ‘Will it be really worth it?’

What I am trying to say is that we should not strive to achieve some level of physical beauty if we are not ok in the head, if it is being done out of the need to be accepted by others because, trust me when you do achieve that goal weight or body shape, there is no guarantee that your mental demons would disappear.

And y’all need to stop judging and passing insensitive comments about us fat people! Stop expecting that other people’s bodies, food and lifestyle choices must align with your views.

Don’t look at us and assume we over-eat or we are unhealthy! Can you imagine the amount of hurt a woman feels when she hears:

you are fat

You are unhealthy

You are ugly

You are not my physical type

You should not eat this, you should eat this, it will help you lose weight

It needs to stop! It is rude, ignorant and just not nice.

“I’m not interested if we are unwilling to honour that there are some people with disabilities and chronic illnesses and mental illnesses, who will never fit into a narrow perception of “healthy.” I’m not interested if healthy is just about calories and weight loss and inherently restrictive eating.

I’m not interested if we’re going to judge people for what they eat and promote a diet culture of shame and self-hatred.” - fuckyeahbodypositivity

Me Without You

• I remember my first day without you, I will never be the same.
• Life stood still on that day and I found it shocking and puzzling that the world around me carried on like normal
• My life is now sectioned into before and after that day.
• I am constantly aware of your absence
• A thousand moments I took for granted because I assumed there would be more
• And what really gets to me, almost kills me are the memories and moments I am creating each day with our daughter without you.
• I miss you. I miss your smile, your voice, your bear hugs, your smell, your jokes, how you made me feel. I miss your everything. I miss the future I was supposed to have with you and I hate my now.
• I just want to hug you so much right now; I have so much left to say to you
• The waves keep coming but I am learning to surf

Grief

“Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.” 
― Dean Koontz, Odd Hours

Rememberance & Moving On

Waves of grief still roll in from time to time and there isn't a day that goes by that a memory is not stirred, a wistful thought provoked by a place, a song, a silhouette, or a song or a photograph. But I am OK. I have survived.

A Letter to My Husband

Mi tsui, it is so hard to express just how much you meant to me, but I so want to try. I want to respond to the beautiful words that you put into your speech on our wedding day.
When we first met over 17 years ago, I remembered being overwhelmed by a desire to become a part of your world. You were so full of life, exciting, fun and interesting and you remained so until the day we lost you.

We lost and regained contact over the years till we reconnected again in London in 2006 when we were both smarting from failed relationships. We confided in each other about “oh how hard and confusing this thing they call relationship was!” We maintained contact and I encouraged you to move back home as I was planning to. You were finally convinced to make the move after a holiday home and you actually relocated to Ghana a month before me. When I came to Ghana, things just fell into place and the many years of friendship blossomed into a relationship. We knew each other well as friends so things quickly escalated and we were married within 15 months of us moving to Ghana.

You called me Tsui meaning ‘Heart’ in Ga because you said I was that to you. I remember our beautiful wedding day. It was quite simply the most wonderful day of my life. You were at the core, all that I wished for in a husband and memories from that day are just some of the richest and warmest I will have of you. I remember the precious times we shared on our honeymoon. We were having such a happy time and we were enjoying experiencing new things. We felt so at peace, so relaxed and were so excited about the future.  I have always felt lucky that you chose me to share in your life experiences and I am grateful for some exceptionally special memories and times.

I will miss our cuddles in bed with our daughter Awura on Sunday mornings. I even miss our squabbles which now seem so petty. We would squabble about the meaning of words and phrases; even after the meaning had been checked on Google! I miss you leaving empty water sachets around the house. I will miss how often I would exclaim to you that “I cannot clean up after another adult!” because you seemed unable to hang up towels, wash up dishes or wash soap suds off the shower walls.  I miss the often profane and silly things you would say to me; in fact, just a week before we lost your physical self, you told me I should start a blog post titled “My Husband Says the Darndest Things”. I thought that was a brilliant idea and I had my first entry ready. I was soo happy to finally have the carte blanche to share the silliness that came out of your mouth sometimes.
We did not share similar interests but what we knew how to do very well from the very beginning was how to allow the other to be; even though you tried and failed many times to get me to learn Poker and Chess and I also tried and failed to get you to finish watching a romantic comedy film without falling asleep or to indulge in a bit of gossip; you always threatened to tell the one I was gossiping about. You however, indulged me in my desire to go away on short breaks around the country. Chief, you got me so well and I am scared no one else ever will.

You were so intelligent and smart and committed 100% to every job you took up. It was all or nothing for you all the time and colleagues or business partners often struggled to understand you in that regard. You always remained true to and unwavering in what you believed in; a trait that exasperated me sometimes yet I admired many times. You had such a brilliant mind and I am sad to say that I now know I underestimated your awesomeness.

We endured some truly trying times in our quest to grow our family and through all those moments, you remained stoic, supportive and understanding. You were there to hold my hand every step of the way and hug me when I felt most vulnerable and low.  All that we went through helped me to cope with the suddenness and finality of death. I have accepted the loss of your physical self quickly without any sense of ‘whatifs’ but I have to cope with this journey of loss alone.

I am so happy and grateful to God for giving us the opportunity to become parents. Awura is such a joy! She comforts me to no end. She has your cheeky grin that makes me smile and I know she will make us proud. She is a special human being just like her Dada. It tears me up inside knowing that you did not get the opportunity to be a parent for many more years because in the months that you got the opportunity to be a father, you did it well and showed tremendous promise. It could take you days to get round to changing a light bulb but you would put together a piece of furniture or a toy for Awura in a heartbeat. You would squeeze her so tight in your arms, I wondered if she could breathe. You said Awura was so beautiful inside and out that we needed to make more like her as quickly as possible.  The role you played best was that of Dada as it should be.

It hurts so bad because I wish we could have had more years together. Our family life was finally coming together. We were finally getting to the point of making big plans together but I am comforted and consoled by the rich tapestry of memories that we formed over our 5.5 years of married life together. Thank you.

Tsui, I promise you will never ever be forgotten especially by Awura and I will miss you so very much. You were one person who did not cope well with death or even sickness in others so I know you will understand if I don’t say goodbye to you now. What I will say instead is 'See you later!' And may the Lord keep you safe until that time. I'm looking forward to it so very much!
All my love now, forever and always.
Your tsui, your Deedee

Loves longing takes me across the river

Over the mountains and along the shore

You are here because I will it so

And because love knows no boundary

Your body is gone but your love lives here within my heart

My days grow shorter and my nights seem darker now

I am sad at times because you are gone

Happier still to have had you in my life for so long

Your love is here and my breath is your breath

And will remain so until I can no longer inhale

Goodbye mi tsui

Until we meet again...

What Type of Spice Am I

So I participated in one of those online survey/tests that told me 5 questions later what sort of spice I am …… Drum roll …………… I am a Sage! This is what it said about me:

You're the type of person who has already learned a lot from living. For you, life has been a character building exercise. Your dream is to live a life you cherish. You don't want to waste time on things that don't matter. You are always observing and thinking. You appear calm and self-possessed to the outside world. You are concerned with inner beauty. You think once we understand ourselves, we are beautiful on the inside.

Aside the foolish days of my youth when I read too many Cosmo and Glamour magazines telling me about the 100 ways that I can please my boyfriend in bed, I usually don’t take such tests too seriously but this one had me down pat.

Now I am going to Google and find out more about the spice sage.

Mental Health

Ok, so I have been going on a fair bit about finding the motivation to restart blogging. For a long time I didn’t blog cos my thoughts were all quite dark and that was not what I wanted my blog to be about. You see, I have extended my life-long need to appear/seem happy and carefree always even to my blog. Fine, a few dark posts escaped onto my blog but I had to really try real hard not pour out all of my thoughts and anguish and ‘poison’ y’all. J

But I have come to accept that my readers (feels good to type that lol) wouldn’t want no fakery. I have to be honest with myself and with y’all. You need to know what I have been through. Through it all, I spent so much time online; I was obsessed with reading about other people’s experiences with pregnancy and infant loss. It was an obsession that was good for my soul. It was good to know that other people felt the same way. That I was not alone, that I was not cat-lady crazy to be grieving for a baby lost even after God had blessed me with another.

I used to cry, I used to have a permanent cold and sniffle all the time cos there was always a tear ready to escape from my eye. Charley it was hard ooooo. Why don’t we talk about it more? Why don’t we all go obroni-like and have support groups in Ghana?

I was mildly depressed for a while. I am not sure if I admitted it to myself then but I knew I wasn’t ok. I used to wake up sometimes and wonder if it was worth getting out of bed and facing the world. I used to wonder how much easier my life would be not to wake up in tears every day. And even though I never actually planned doing it, I did wonder if it really was worth it? That IS bad innit?

I have been too ashamed to admit it to anyone but for the past few weeks, I have had people close to me or who I know go through tough times like the loss of a much-loved parent, marriage crisis, family abandonment, loved ones seriously ill, mental ill-health etc. These friends have been open to me about their feelings and I had appreciated them letting me into their private thoughts. I have done my best to be there for them and it has got me thinking a lot about how culturally, we don’t deal with emotional support well. Mental ill health is seen as a white thing.

We all try to illustrate these perfect lives. Who really shares the bad days? And more importantly, who doesn’t judge someone when they do? People cannot openly talk about being mentally and emotionally broken and needing or seeking help to get back up. We stigmatize it and gossip and think poorly about people with such issues. We think any woman who appears unstable should learn to deal with life’s obstacles. She needs to learn how to become this beacon of strength that represents all Black women.

I was having a conversation with a dear friend about how I leant to be self-reliant and learned to live through my difficult times on my own. I mean I even felt I would be burdening my friends if I spoke about how sad I was; no one needs that shit. And she advised me that that strategy too could end badly. And it is true. Because, if things get really tough, you can break in a shocking way.

People say all the time, You’re so strong! That’s so far from the truth. Truth is, behind closed doors, I allowed myself to be weak. I allowed myself to cry, I allowed myself to trawl through online forums and blogs, unburdening myself on strangers, I allowed myself to leave a meeting and have a good cry in the toilet, I allowed myself to cry in traffic (fuck what the people in the next car thought; I don’t know them), I allowed myself not to take calls when I don’t want, I accepted that I didn’t have to put myself in situations that caused me emotional strain like going to kiddie birthday parties just to please friends, I didn’t judge myself for eating an entire tub of ice-cream etc. I know that’s what has gotten me through it all.

I live inside of my weak. (term borrowed from a blogger)

I used to scream in my head “Who says I have to be strong? Why do WE have to be strong? FUCK THAT!!! My baby died and I don’t wanna.” LOL!

I just want to reiterate that it is ok to ask for help. I saw a psychologist twice. Both times, she just listened to me, allowed me to cry without judging me. I couldn’t do it with anyone else without feeling like I was inconveniencing them or making them uncomfortable in some way.

God has blessed my husband and me with this beautiful and awesome girl who fills me with so much joy every single day! I cannot believe how lucky and blessed I am.

But I still grieve for my first born. That will never go away and I have accepted that. And I have accepted that life may still deal out some tragedies and more hurt my way. I will lose my parents, friends, cherished family members, I might lose a good job, I will be let down by family or friends etc. But I will be ok cos I have notched up some experience and I promise my sanity that I will do things better next time.

I want to do something to help others. I am not sure how or what yet but in the meantime, I am doing it in little ways by being there for loved ones, reaching out and speaking out loud about it and I want you all to do same.

A happier post coming up soon! J

What Makes A Mother

 What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother—
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one.
~Jennifer Wasik~

Dear Diary - 18th Jan 2013

I’m getting disillusioned with work and I continually wonder if I will ever enjoy or be able to cope with working for an employer for long without self-combusting.

In my current job which I have only been in for about 6 weeks, my colleagues annoy the shit out of me already for the most inconsequential reasons. And I know I am the problem. Will I ever care for work enough to want to do a brilliant job? Is it a phase most people go through? Will I finally make the 110% push towards operating my own business and not just as a side hustle?

Unfortunately, owning an HR consultancy just doesn’t thrill me. I actually wish I could live a life of leisure, look after my (future) kids, do the school run, supervise the housekeeping, have lunch with friends, cook fancy recipes for the family etc and still have money in the bank! And on the side I’d like to sell sex-toys! Yes I really do!

I’m just very tired with my life as it is now, I can’t keep myself from nodding off when I think about the current state of it.

Let’s see what 2013 holds

Why bother watching horror movies

If you crave some horror for a few minutes, switch to BBC or any other international news tv channel during their 'Africa Hour' or whatever they call it fronted by the token broadcaster of African descent they have on their payroll (some people may be offended by this but hey); or of just their 'regular news' about a nanny stabbing the children in her keep, or a father jumping of a high rise balcony clutching his kids, or a mobster blasting off the brains of a rival in broad daylight .....

For the life of me I don't know why anyone will choose to sit through close to 2 hours of a gory horror flick. Don't we have enough right on our doorsteps and on the news? Give me a nonsensical romantic comedy any day, a nice escape from dreary reality. Thank You!

Over dosing on Quotes on Marriages & Relationships ……………………

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” 
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.” 
― Greg Behrendt

“You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.” 
― Jodi Picoult, Mercy

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” 
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

“Love, is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” 
― Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.” 
― Cher

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” 
― Albert Einstein

“Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

“I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.” 
― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” 
― Katharine Hepburn

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he's not the man she married?” 
― Barbra Streisand

“No woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn't in submission to God!” 
― T.D. Jakes

“Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!” 
― Anaïs Nin

“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

I Love Him So!

My husband and I are the proud owners of an 8 month old Doberman called Ace that we’ve had since he was about 12 weeks old.  Ace is like family and most of the time I would rather spend time in bed hearing him at my bedroom window than spend time with most of the people that I know.

He loves me no matter what...if I am having a bad day or good day, if I am stressed or not, if I am well or sick... He is like my baby who will never grow up. J I would NEVER say having a dog is the same as having a child or children. It’s not. I would also never say being a parent is easy. I respect parents so much. But, personally, I feel there are definitely *similarities between having a child and having a dog. Loving, responsible pet owners absolutely go through “child-like” experiences with their animals.

The unconditional love from my dog melts my heart; the way he wags his tail (or tries to wag his tail as his was docked off soon after birth) when he sees me; the way he licks my hands and feet and climbs all over me, the way he jumps up to my bedroom window when he hears I’m in and pushes his face through the railings to be petted; the way he completely ignores my screams to ‘Stop it” (whatever it is); the way I worry when his barking seems a little bit different at night; the way my heart bleeds when he is being spanked even though I know he kinda deserves it …………He keeps me up at night with his racket but when I look into his brown eyes in the morning I seem to forget how upset I was the night before.

The only downside to having Ace is the constant little disagreement between my husband I as to how we want him to be brought up, as a fierce guard dog or as a loyal family pet. I’m delighted to say that nature seems to be winning over nurture and Ace is just a loveable rogue who’d rather play and be petted than to guard. And it is through no doing of mine, I swear! J